Okay so I have had this little blog for a few weeks and I have been contemplating where to begin or how to handle this. It isn't easy for me to start at the obvious place...the beginning because that was such a scary time for me. So what I have come up with is that I am just going to start where I am at and go from there. Sometimes forward sometimes backwards. Sorry if that is confusing but it is the only way that doesn't give me nightmares. And at the end of the day isn't that what is most important????
Somethings I love, music, dancing, reading, quotes, people, my family, the simple things of life. I had to add my play list first thing because music runs through my veins. It is a powerful resource on this earth, music goes hand in hand with my soul. Some people live life without listening to the music. Not just the music on the t.v or radio but the very essence of our world can be felt in music. Music has helped put words to so much of what i have felt during this whole thing. When I couldn't express what I was feeling or thinking I would hear a song and be able to make sense of what was happening to me. I have felt so alone during this process. To feel like a freak is a rare thing. I am sure that before this I never imagined I would find myself watching my life from the outside in. I have clung to the Spirit of my Heavenly Father. Prayer has been a constant guide for me. Which from my current situation most of you would seriously question. But I rely on prayer to get me through my day. I think that most of you have something to learn about real prayer and then you would understand more. But I am not about to give a sermon about that, I just am trying to share my thoughts and I hope that maybe they make sense. Okay so for those of you who don't know I am recently divorced. I had been married for 13 years. It has been all my choice and my doing, my husband hasn't wanted this and I have broken his heart by doing this. I need to clarify this because I know that many, many, many people think that I am insane for doing this and want me to fail in any attempt I make to find happiness. Travis is a good man, he deserves to be with someone better than me. But we will get into that later, that is enough right now. So I am a single mom to 3 fabulous kids who are my world. Many people can't understand how I can be so attached to the kids and not my husband. Kids are completely different than adults. They can love you and accept you for exactly what you are, if you love them they love you. Simple. So during this whole recovery process they have loved me and accepted me as just their mom. Nothing more, nothing less. Plus they can feel your spirit, they can let their heart love you 100% no questions asked. So I am completely devoted to my kids, and while I'm sure our bond is different than it was before it is a bond none-the-less. Not really sure if that made sense but this is my attempt to put to words what has been happening. Again this is new to me, so be patient I hope this will get easier as time goes on. Okay well that is all for today, my hope is to post at least 3 times a week, so follow me and get to understand me better! You might even decide you like me after all! :)
Please leave any comments good or bad, I need to know that this makes sense. Thanks!